Counselling -

How to Avoid Being Pressured Into a

Bad Relationship When You’re Single

There is a lot of unhealthy pressure to be in a relationship for people who are single. Sometimes the pressure comes from the outside and other times the pressure is created internally by the single person. This sort of pressure rarely brings about the desired affect.

The key to knowing how to avoid being pressured into a bad relationship, is to first understand what is motivating people. These motivations may not be as clear as people would like to believe. Often people are motivated by some pretty lousy desires, ones that are quite destructive.

One of the reasons people pressure those close to them, is because they don’t want to be alone. They don’t like the fact that you’re single and they are stuck in a mediocre or lousy relationship. They unconsciously want you to join them in their misery. Yes, this is a rather bleak reason for a loved one to be motivated by, but the old saying does hold true: misery loves company.

A common internal motivation to be in a relationship springs from a desire to be loved. This desire is natural, unless it originates from the person’s wounded state. When this happens, a person searching for a suitable partner will commonly settle for way less than they should. They will put unrealistic expectations on those they date to fulfill far more of their needs than their mate is capable of.

For people like this, there is a overriding feeling of not being capable of “being alone.” These sort of people are acting in an addictive manner, hoping that the relationship will be able to fill a hole in their lives that it wasn’t designed to fill. I really like the analogy of a relationship being like a bicycle. A bicycle has two wheels, and the effectiveness of the bike depends on the well being of both wheels.

Relationships work best when both people are able to compliment each other. A high level of equality needs to exist in marriage for it to succeed. This can’t occur when one mate is hoping to be fixed, or when one is trying to rescue the other. We can and should encourage each other in our efforts to grow as people, yet the only person I have the power to change is me.

Of course, there are some very well intended folks who want the single person to be able to enjoy what they themselves are enjoying in their marriage. These are the sort of people a single person wants to associate with closely. Learn from these people and the journey to a happy marriage will become much more realistic.