Counselling -

Relationship Red Flags for Single Women

The process of dating with the intention of finding a compatible marriage partner is not for the faint of heart. For single women, there are many different things to look for in the men they date. Relationship red flags are sometimes hard to spot. A man’s desire to impress a woman can cloud her ability to see his behaviour in the proper light. Relationship red flags need not be blatantly obvious at first for them to be highly destructive to the long term health of the relationship. A woman’s ability to identify these warning signs and take appropriate action will go a long way to determining the quality of relationship she will experience.

What a woman in love wants is a man's full attention. This seems pretty straight forward, yet one of the most common complaints that women have, married women that is, is the lack of participation by their husband in the relationship. During the dating process, it’s vital for single women to learn how to identify this potential problem and make an intelligent decision about whether to continue the relationship or break it off.

This relationship red flag of non-participation is rarely if ever seen early in the dating process. We men, and I have been guilty of this to, often see our main objective in the dating process as… get the girl! There comes a time in a man's mind, not all of course, but many, where he believes he has reached his goal and he stops trying. He stops trying to impress her, woo her, and please her to the same degree he did in the past. He has accomplished his goal of getting her and moves onto other areas of his life.

The end result is an abandoned wife, living in isolation from her husband, often receiving only scraps of attention from him. Many well meaning husbands fall into this trap of neglect. As men growing up very few of us had any discussions about being a husband or a father. As a result, especially younger men, are ignorant about the amount of work that is required to build a relationship with a woman and create a happy home.

A key to being able to identify this red flag lies in the ability to date for an extended length of time so the trait can become more apparent if it in fact exists. Although it may sound like an eternity, I recommend dating for one full year before committing to marriage. I know…it does seem like forever, but I believe it takes time for these sort of habits to show themselves.

Another relationship red flag for single women is a man without a clear direction, a clear sense of where he's going with this life. Now I'm not trying to say that one should have it all figured out, that's absurd. Life is full of all kinds of trial and error. What I'm talking about relates to passion and drive. The kind of passion and drive that causes a man who isn't sure about where he's going with his life, to find out. To dig, search and do what it takes to find his direction in life.

The ideal situation is for a man to have it clear and distinct direction for his life and to find a woman who shares his passion. The reason this is so important is that as men we define ourselves more by our work then by almost any other activity we engage in. Of course, as discussed in the previous point, a man can become so obsessed with his work that he ends up neglecting his wife and family, that's not what I'm talking about.

We men are action oriented and what we do, how we contribute is of utmost importance to us. And this is closely tied to our work and careers. As men we define ourselves more by our work then by almost any other activity we engage in.

If the man your dating doesn’t have a clear direction and shows little interest in finding one…beware! I cannot overstate this point. Directionless men are much more likely to be destructive men. A clear example of this can be found in countries where the unemployment rate for young men is high, so is the rate of crime. A man that you date may not resort to crime, but without a clear sense of direction and purpose his destructive behaviours may include regular bursts of anger, drug and alcohol addiction, and/or sex addictions.