Counselling -

The Honest to Goodness Truth

About Making Marriage Work

Each of us have deeply held beliefs about many things. These could relate to the type of pop we drink, which sort of dogs we have a soft spot for or our favourite brand of jeans. People have deeply held beliefs about marriage as well. Some of these beliefs are helpful and some are downright dangerous. Many of the beliefs we hold about marriage tend to change over time. What a person thought marriage would be like when they were 15 years old, is certainly going to be different after they’ve been married for 10 or 15 years. We do well when we’re able to look objectively at our beliefs about marriage and keep those that help us and get rid of the destructive ones.

Love is all that we need. This is a belief that many people entering marriage hold dearly. It’s blatantly false and the cause of much heartache.

Who taught you how to be happily married? It’s a very strange question. It certainly isn’t one that gets asked very often. Who taught you how to drive a car? Almost everyone can answer that question with ease. When I ask the average person about their marriage beliefs, their eyes glaze over.

Let me take this one step further. Would you consider going on vacation without first planning out key parts of your trip? The average person would plan out their trip. Their vacation is important enough to them. They would never think of going to the airport and taking some random flight.

Somewhere along the way many of us adopted the belief that happily married people are just lucky. Nothing could be further from the truth. Happily married people consistently work to become better people. They consistently work on becoming better spouses.

Some work on becoming better listeners. Others need to practice sharing their feelings without attacking their mate. Still others, are busying working at learning how to ask for what they want. They have rejected the false belief they used to have regarding their spouse’s ability to read their mind.

Most people didn’t receive any training for marriage. It’s an unfortunate reality that millions face. The happily married people don’t use this as an excuse. Making a marriage work well requires practice. Practice does not make it perfect, but it usually makes thing better.

So, what beliefs are you holding on to that aren’t working? If you’re part of the majority who received little training, don’t despair. In this day and age there is plenty of great help for those in need. Make sure not to get down on yourself. You’re actually normal, because very few people had good role models.

The beliefs you have about marriage can change for the better. If you’ve adopted some negative beliefs that are hindering you, they also can be adjusted. Luck has very little to do with building a good solid marriage relationship. The process of positive growth in marriage must be intentional.