Counselling -

The Relationship Addiction Trap

Addiction is not a pretty word. It brings with it lots of baggage and negative inferences. The strange thing…is that many addictions are held in high regard in certain circles. This is definitely the case for relationships. Going from one failed relationship to the next without more than a moment to regroup is perfectly acceptable and even encouraged by some people. This misguided encouragement may be related to the commonly held belief that there is something wrong with a person if they are single. Singleness can feel pretty odd when one has spent most of their time in a relationship.

It’s important to first identify what the word addiction means.

One of the keys to identifying an addictive behaviour is whether or not the behaviour is being done as a means of avoiding or neglecting other important priorities.

Two of the most common forms of addiction, and socially acceptable ones are work and eating. A person’s marriage is doing poorly and they are frustrated. They begin to spend more time doing things they can do well. They know how to work and eat. These are things that help them to feel good. Their marriage isn’t providing many positive feelings.

But what about someone dealing with relationship addiction, what are they avoiding?

People with a relationship addiction are generally trying to get healing for a wound. These types of wounds are typically from childhood. They usually involve parental neglect, mistreatment or abuse.

The relationship addict is trying to make up for the feelings of loneliness and inadequacy that were created in their childhood. They are trying to get the love and affection from others that they needed from their parents. They find it difficult to be single for any prolonged period of time.

As soon as one relationship ends, they’re as eager as a dog chasing a stick in their pursuit of another mate. They put little thought into whether or not the two of them are a good match for each other.

Like any addiction, the longer the person puts off addressing the core issue, the worse their life gets. Also like any other addiction, the longer one uses their preferred method to get their fix, the more numb they become. They require ever increasing amounts of the addictive behaviour in order to get a buzz.

The solution for one dealing with a relationship addiction is to be honest about their problem and get help to heal their wounded state.

It’s important to also realize that they are far from the exception. A large number of people use dating and marriage relationships as a fix.

Using a marriage or dating relationship to heal old wounds is not something one is completely conscious of. They aren’t able to explain this to their partner. When their partner fails to supply the level of healing love and affection they want, they blame their partner for not being able to heal their wounds from childhood.