Counselling -

What Everyone Ought to Know About Relationships

Once upon a time, marriage was relatively simple. Men had their role, women had theirs. Marriage was more of a social contract between two parties for the primary purpose of survival. Survival for the individual, the family and the community at large.When bringing up children, it was pretty clear what each child, based on gender, needed to learn in order to fill their role as a spouse. Things have changed dramatically. Today our expectations and roles aren’t so clear.

Many of today’s expectations of marriage are different than in the past. There is nothing inherently wrong with these varied desires. The purpose of it’s existence is also not exactly the same as it once was. People look to marriage for wholeness and healing. Large numbers want romance and intimacy. These concepts were foreign to the vast majority of people entering marriage generations ago.

In times past, marriage was primarily a social agreement that helped ensure survival. Marriage expectations were indeed very different than they are today. Marriage is no longer quite so simple as it once was.

There are serious problems with the modern marriage.

Too many people are entering marriage no better prepared than their ancestors were 150 years ago. It takes more knowledge to meet the challenges of the modern day marriage. It’s filled with a level of complexity that didn’t exist for previous generations.

150 years ago was the dawn of the industrial revolution. Life was indeed becoming more complex for many people. The complexity those people had to deal with when compared to the 21^st century, is scant. Roles and responsibilities of a spouse are more complex now than ever before. A much higher skill level is required to build a good marriage.

Consider the following example:

If you had no experience or training in a profession such as nursing, would you expect to get hired? Would you expect to do well at the job if you were in fact miraculously hired?

The questions may seem a little absurd. They do work to prove an important point though. The real absurdity lies in the widely held belief that we can make marriage work well without specific training.

I believe marriage is the most emotionally charged relationship most people will ever have. A highly charged relationship with a high degree of complexity requires more than just a hope and a prayer.

Modern marriages also lack good role models.                                                       

Want proof? Ask yourself the following question. 

Do you want a marriage like your parent’s?

The vast majority of people don‘t want a marriage like their parent‘s. Most people think the question is a joke. It’s not a joke. The people we learn the most about marriage from are our parents. They are our primary role models for how to be a spouse. If we don’t want a marriage like their’s, then we need to purposefully choose differently. Choosing differently means learning new ways of relating to a spouse. A better way of relating is acquired by more education.